Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mental Health Break

Despite taking a few days off last week, by the time I left work yesterday it was apparent that I haven't mentally recovered from session.

I'm usually pretty good at letting things roll off my back and letting things go, but yesterday a couple of things that normally wouldn't have warranted more than a small vent seemed to grow to immense proportions and I just couldn't let them go.

The first was an e-mail that made me feel like I was being micro-managed, although it probably was not intended to actually micro-manage me or make me feel that way, but that was the feeling it produced nonetheless.  One of the major benefits to my job in my opinion is that we do work relatively independently.  Not that I don't have a supervisor, and I have multiple "bosses" in varying settings, but in general once I'm given a task it's up to me to get it done.

The second was a reminder of something I know about myself, but like to pretend isn't really all that important, although I know that in a lot of ways it is....I SUCK at self-promotion.

I hate playing the office politics game of making sure the "higher ups" know about all the great things I'm doing and making sure I receive recognition for what I'm doing.  I work hard, I'm great at what I do, and I just want to do it.  I don't need a constant pat on the back that I've done a good job.  Decent salary increases would be nice, but I work for the State, I'm a realist.

But every once in a while, I get a reminder that in small ways I'm getting overlooked in favor of those who are making a point of going "look at me, see how great I am".  There's no one to blame but myself.  I don't lack self confidence, I just hate feeling like I'm bragging on myself, probably because it annoys me so much when others do it.

There was no major fallout from yesterday's events.  I didn't go on an office rampage or anything.  I simply left a little early and poor Rob had to listen to a short rant when I got home so I could get it off my chest.

My parents rented a beach place for the entire family for the week.  Rob can only get Friday off work, so we were planning on driving down Thursday after work.  But last night we decided that I'm heading down tomorrow, and he'll come down Thursday night.  I have a meeting in the morning that I can't reschedule, but as soon as that's over, I'm beach bound.

Maybe some time in the sun and water, and building sand castles with my nieces will bring me some calm.

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