Mixed Feelings

I took my laptop to the beach, but I never turned it on.  I took various materials to prod some writing while I was there, but I didn't write a word.  I took several library books, but the only one I finished was the one I was already half way through when I left.  I took 2 knitting projects, but I didn't knit a stitch.

I did spend time building sand castles, digging holes, riding waves and swimming in the pool with my 3 nieces.  I did spend time with my brother and sister, their spouses, my parents, my daughter and my husband.  I did stand idly by while my brother in law got a warning ticket for shooting fireworks on the beach. I did consume a respectable quantity of alcohol, and may possibly have danced and sang out loud a little.

I returned to work Monday morning in a better frame of mind, if not completely mentally restored.  But most of that was lost by the time the latest office rumors got to me Monday afternoon.

I'm seriously evaluating my future employment options.

Mental Health Break

Despite taking a few days off last week, by the time I left work yesterday it was apparent that I haven't mentally recovered from session.

I'm usually pretty good at letting things roll off my back and letting things go, but yesterday a couple of things that normally wouldn't have warranted more than a small vent seemed to grow to immense proportions and I just couldn't let them go.

The first was an e-mail that made me feel like I was being micro-managed, although it probably was not intended to actually micro-manage me or make me feel that way, but that was the feeling it produced nonetheless.  One of the major benefits to my job in my opinion is that we do work relatively independently.  Not that I don't have a supervisor, and I have multiple "bosses" in varying settings, but in general once I'm given a task it's up to me to get it done.

The second was a reminder of something I know about myself, but like to pretend isn't really all that important, although I know that in a lot of ways it is....I SUCK at self-promotion.

I hate playing the office politics game of making sure the "higher ups" know about all the great things I'm doing and making sure I receive recognition for what I'm doing.  I work hard, I'm great at what I do, and I just want to do it.  I don't need a constant pat on the back that I've done a good job.  Decent salary increases would be nice, but I work for the State, I'm a realist.

But every once in a while, I get a reminder that in small ways I'm getting overlooked in favor of those who are making a point of going "look at me, see how great I am".  There's no one to blame but myself.  I don't lack self confidence, I just hate feeling like I'm bragging on myself, probably because it annoys me so much when others do it.

There was no major fallout from yesterday's events.  I didn't go on an office rampage or anything.  I simply left a little early and poor Rob had to listen to a short rant when I got home so I could get it off my chest.

My parents rented a beach place for the entire family for the week.  Rob can only get Friday off work, so we were planning on driving down Thursday after work.  But last night we decided that I'm heading down tomorrow, and he'll come down Thursday night.  I have a meeting in the morning that I can't reschedule, but as soon as that's over, I'm beach bound.

Maybe some time in the sun and water, and building sand castles with my nieces will bring me some calm.

The Stash

Like most knitters, I started out buying just enough yarn to complete whatever project I was working on at the time.  In the case of one project, I didn't even buy all of the yarn I needed at once, I just bought more as I needed it (a mistake I will never make again).

Boy has that changed!

Not only do I have more than one project in the works at any given time, but I have much more yarn than I have projects!

To knitters this is known as the "stash". While the most honest intent of having a stash is to always have yarn on hand when you want to start a project, the reality is that pretty yarn has this power to draw you in and convince you that you cannot live without at least a skein, or two, or three.

I was in a real organizing and sorting mode when making room for my new writing space, so I spent a little time reorganizing the stash to put it all neatly in its place, and I took some pictures for you.

This is all of my lace weight yarn.

This is all of my fingering weight yarn.

I didn't lay out all of the worsted weight, as it doesn't get used as much so was already pretty neatly in its place, and I was tired by then.  But imagine another similar sized group of yarn as well.

Yes, it looks like, and probably is, a lot of yarn.  But I love it all.  And if you check out the Flash Your Stash 2012 thread on Ravelry, you'll see I'm not nearly as bad as some!

Creating Space

My only real excuse for not writing here for the past month is that work sucked all my brain power and any time I could have spent writing here was instead spent trying to recharge the batteries to my brain to get yet more work done.

But session is over for another year, and at least until January things should be on a much more even keel.  I took the last part of this week off and I've enjoyed a few days of just hanging out and doing what I want, planning and organizing, and just recharging my motivation in general.

Once again, I'm back to trying to create some routines and habits to achieve goals in the two areas I always seem to be working on....writing and weight loss.

I spent a good bit of yesterday putting together my new writing area.

It's actually a sewing cart, but when I was looking around for a relatively inexpensive, small desk to put in my craft room it was the best option I found.  As you can see, it gives me a good amount of work space and storage space, but closes to a smaller piece when not in use.  It also has wheels, which is handy because the room is also our overflow guest room and it will be easy to move out of the way when we need to fold down the futon sofa that is also in the room.

We have a very nice office area upstairs with nice large desks and plenty of space.  However, it is in the loft, which overlooks the living room, so there's no door to shut.  I'm not one of those people that can write while I listen to music, etc. so the sound of the TV or Rob's music in the garage while I'm trying to write is distracting.  This gives me a space to take my laptop and shut the door.

So I plan to be back here more regularly.  I haven't been completely idle the past month, I have made some notes on post ideas here and there, I just never got around to fleshing them out.  And we'll talk some more about some of my goals and ways to achieve them in the near future.