Chasing Dragonflies

More Reality

2012-01-31T00:21:00.001-05:00

The day after I wrote my last post, we had another reality check. One of Rob's closest friends from his Navy days died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 52. I had only met them a few times, but Rob had kept up with him and his family since he got out of the Navy in 1992, and in recent years we had traveled to their home in KY for their oldest daughter's wedding, they had come here for our son's graduation, and our son and their youngest daughter had even dated for a few months. Their 2 girls are within a year of each of our children and, particularly in recent years, the kids have kept in touch directly as well. We made the 8 hour (one way) drive to KY and back that weekend to attend the funeral, and while it was a long trip, we needed to be there. He was only 5 years older than Rob, so I think it was a dose of reality for all of us.

So yes, I know, I'm not doing very well on my goal to write here at least twice a week. I haven't been doing so well on most of my goals, with the exception of my PT exercises, which I have, amazingly, done almost every day. There have a been a few days here & there that I've missed, and I decided I deserve a "rest" day on Sundays because the exercises pretty much keep me sore all of the time, but I have otherwise been very consistent in getting them done. But other than that one goal, I've pretty much failed so far at the rest of them.

I'm working on ways to motivate myself and make time for the others though, so I haven't given up completely. I have to work on not letting the unexpected things that come up constantly derail me from my plan, and I need to plan a little better overall. I'm trying to come up with concrete ways to do that, so hopefully I will be posting here more frequently soon.

In the meantime, take care of yourselves!

Reality Check

2012-01-11T17:00:00.000-05:00

I got together with some of my knitting group last night. A lot of laughs, chatter and fun, and a little bit of knitting was achieved.

Towards the end of the evening we were down to just 4 of us, and recapping recent family visits during the holidays got us to talking about family relationships, which lead to discussing our childhoods. I am very, very lucky in the wonderful childhood I had and the family situation in which I was raised. While it was not perfect, because no one and no family is ever perfect, it could have been much further from perfect than I even want to contemplate.

I have only been in this knitting group for a couple of years, and due to my work schedule I sometimes have been unable to attend for months at a time, so I feel like I'm still getting to know people in general. But as one of the women said last night, I see all these women as women who are confident and outgoing and seem to have it all together. But I don't know what they've been through in their lives and how they got to where they are now. It's so easy to imagine that everyone you meet has a similar history to yours, and humbling to find out how much more some have overcome than you ever imagined having to deal with.

I wrote last year about the book Unbroken and how it made me wonder how I would react to such horrible conditions. Last night made me realize that there are people I know in real life who have lived through conditions that, while not POW camps, may have been just as bad in the way they could break a person down.

I've never had a lot of close women friends, and I don't pretend to think that one conversation last night has bonded these women to me for life, but I feel honored that they were willing to share some of their stories in my presence, and I look forward to getting to know them all better.

Goal Setting for 2012

2012-01-07T02:24:00.000-05:00

I was looking back at my goals for 2011 (some of which I posted here and some of which I didn't) and thinking that I didn't really achieve all that much. But then I realized that I actually accomplished a really big goal in 2011. It's one of those goals that I sort of half-heartedly set every year, and yet never accomplish, so I didn't even mention it here, but I actually did it in 2011.......I quit smoking. After smoking for almost 27 years, I smoked my last cigarette on June 27, 2011. So regardless of all the other goals I did not meet last year, that one makes up for it in MY grand scheme of things.

Hoping to do a little better on some of the other ones this year though. The two general categories remain the same....health/weight loss and writing.

Health/Weight loss

I put health first, because although I do want to lose weight, my first priority is recovering completely from my back surgery. I'm hoping in the process of focusing on that first that I will lose some weight, and I'm planning to take other steps to help with weight loss as well. However, I don't expect to complete my weight loss in 2012, but I do hope to make some progress and get myself in a better position physically to do the exercise I know will be necessary.

Specific goals:

Do exercises recommended by physical therapist, as often as recommended. (currently daily)
Walk at least 1 mile either outside or on treadmill at least 2X per week. I hope to increase this over time in both the mileage and number of times per week, but right now 1 mile takes almost 30 minutes and the PT exercises make me really sore, so don't want to overdo to the point I give up and quit.
Re-evaluate exercise goals monthly and set specific goals to achieve.
Track food intake. Note that right now this is not "eat healthier" or anything similar. I just want to get in the habit of tracking what I eat. I know that as I make the tracking a habit I will naturally start to eat healthier.

Writing

I just need to make writing regularly a habit. There were a couple of weeks during the middle of my recovery from surgery, when I was still on pain meds but reducing the amounts, that I journaled in my handwritten journal daily, and sometimes more than once a day. Maybe it was the pain meds, or maybe it's that I was home alone so much at that point that I didn't have anyone to talk to so I just wrote things out instead, but I'd like to get back to doing my personal journaling on a more regular basis, in addition to posting here more frequently, and I still need to work on some of my story ideas as well.

I think I was a little overly ambitious last year about how much time I would be able to put aside for writing, but maybe not. I'm currently reading The Productive Writer and I may revise these goals some as I have time to ponder the recommendations in that book and see how they best apply to my real life.

Specific goals:

Write in handwritten journal at least twice per week. I should really try to do this daily, but I'm going to start with the 2X per week goal.
Post on blog at least twice per week. Again, would love to do more, but I think the 2X per week is achievable.
Spend at least 2 hours every month working on fiction. This includes fleshing out story ideas, reviewing and editing already written material, and doing writing exercises. I should be able to find at least 1 weekend in every month where I can find 2 hours of quiet to do this, but if I manage it in 15 minute increments throughout the month, that works too.

I'm going to come up with some way to remind myself of these goals on a regular basis, otherwise a week gets away from me too fast. I will also try to remember to update here every month or so as I reconsider or change specific goals and just to generally report on my progress.

Welcome to 2012

2012-01-04T23:20:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!

Just wanted to post something to say I'm still here. Started back to work this week. Who knew sitting in an office chair could lead to so much stiffness? Doing o.k. as long as I remember to get up and walk around a bit every hour or so.

Haven't had time to really work on my specific goals for the year. Plan to do that this weekend. Have my first physical therapy appointment on Friday, which will help me determine my preliminary goals for exercising. I know that my exercise goals will definitely change as the year progresses and I am able to do more, so it may be that one of my goals is to set new goals every so often, we'll see.

Also thinking about making a list of knitting projects that I've been meaning to get around to, but never seem to do. The list would serve as more of a reminder than a goal list really, but there are several things I keep saying I'm going to make, like fingerless mitts for myself (I made them for everyone else Christmas 2010) and I want to get to at least some of them this year.

I've added a new post to track my reading for 2012. You can find the link in the sidebar.

More to come soon!

2012 Reading List

2012-01-04T23:17:00.000-05:00

Books I've Read in 2012

January (8)

Mr. and Miss Anonymous by Fern Michaels
The Unquiet by J.D. Robb, Mary Blayney, Patricia Gaffney, Ruth Ryan Langan & Mary Kay McComas
The Ballad of Tom Dooley by Sharyn McCrumb
Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
Iron House by John Hart
On Lavender Lane by JoAnn Ross
The Snowman by Jo Nesbo
Lover's Leap by Emily March

February

Plans Go Awry, But You've Got to Have Friends

2011-12-31T01:26:00.002-05:00

I know when I posted in August I planned to get back here at that time. Well, you know. Life happens. Work didn't really slow down the way I thought it would and there was this & that, and before I knew it, it was November 8 & I was having back surgery. Yes, I decided to do the surgery, and I'm glad I did, but the recovery has been long and is still ongoing. I'm planning another post later about the surgery & recovery in general, and things I've learned along the way. I will go ahead and tell you know that I have some of the best family and friends in the world.

I also have some of the best coworkers. One of the things that did not go as planned was the week and a half leading up to my surgery. I work in Raleigh but Sanford, where I live, is an hour away and a much smaller town, so there are a lot of things that I buy or take care of in Raleigh rather than Sanford. For example, I buy cat food at PetSmart because I can get the brand we use in 14 lb. bags. I can get the same cat food in Sanford at the grocery store, but only in 3 lb. bags and at a much steeper price per lb. We have 3 cats, so that's a lot of money saved. They real point is, I had sort of planned to do all of that running around and getting stuff we would need over the 2 months I was out of work in that week before surgery. Yeah, that didn't happen. I did manage to squeeze in the absolutely necessary errands (like cat food) but some others just didn't get done.

I previously mentioned that I am on the redistricting team for my division. If you live in NC and follow the news at all, you know that there was a problem with the software that translates the maps into bill format was discovered in October. Suddenly, starting a little less than 2 weeks before my surgery, I was working 16 hour days for about 10 days straight. First we had to manually determine how big the problem was, and then after the software had been reprogrammed we had to manually check to be sure that it was now pulling in the correct information. It was boring monotonous work, and there were only 7 of us that could do it. Imagine looking at a page of nothing but 13 digit numbers and then at a map on a computer screen full of 15 digit numbers and finding the one with the same last 13 digits, clicking on the number on the computer and then highlighting the number on the page to show that you had clicked it on the screen. Now, imagine doing this for 16 hours per day for 10 days and doing nothing else during your work day. Sounds fun right? It also leads to this.....

Not only did other coworkers, who didn't have the necessary map software on their computers, bring us food on the weekends and evenings so we wouldn't have to live solely on pizza delivery, some of them stayed extra hours and read numbers to us when our eyes were getting so blurry we could no longer see. Additionally, the other 6 coworkers who were doing this with me, let me leave at 2am Friday night/Sat morning before my surgery on Tuesday & not come back, even though I know they were there on Saturday and probably Sunday as well in preparation for the General Assembly coming back on Monday to adopt curative legislation. Even though it put more work on them, they understood that I could not go into surgery without a couple of days to get some rest, my blood pressure back to a normal level, and a few things done to feel like my house was ready for me to be laid up for a while.

Some great news since I last posted, my son who had deployed to Iraq actually made it back stateside before Thanksgiving due to the pull out of forces from Iraq, so even though we haven't been able to see him yet, we are thrilled that he is back safe.

So there have been other matters to attend to in the past few months than worrying about posting here, but I don't plan to give up yet. I'm working on my goals for 2012 and will do a post about those sometime in the next few days. They probably won't be as ambitious as they were last year, but I do better if I have some actual measurable goals so I can track my progress.

Hopefully, this time when I say I'll be back here again soon it will actually happen!

Decisions

2011-08-14T00:05:00.002-04:00

I had a CT scan Friday morning on my back. I've been having some issues for the past couple of years and last fall was diagnosed with Isthmic Spondylolisthesis which has been causing a great deal of sciatic nerve pain in my left leg. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I couldn't lay down, I couldn't do anything in any one position for any length of time without pain. After physical therapy, shots and pills and everything else the pain had gotten unbearable and my doctor recommended surgery. Due to the crazy work schedule I had determined to live with the pain until this fall when it would be easier for me to take the 6-8 weeks off work that he estimates I'll need.

So that was the plan. Except that in May I took a steroid pack for my sister's wedding, so that I could actually stand up for 20 minutes straight during her wedding. While on the steroid pills, the pain is almost gone, but usually the very first day after I finish the steroids, the pain returns. This time it didn't, at least not right away, and since then although I'm still in pain, it's not nearly as severe as it was. This level of pain I could live with, although I would prefer not to, as it still damned inconvenient to not be able to find a comfortable position no matter what I'm doing. But my doctor is now not so gung ho on the surgery, although he admits that it probably will return to the previous level of pain at some point.

Thus the CT scan today. It serves a two-fold purpose. One, to see if something has shifted and it's just not pinching the nerve as much now or what. Two, to give him a better view in general in preparation for possible surgery. I don't really want to have major surgery, and I certainly don't want unnecessary surgery, but I don't want to put the surgery off now and 6 months from now be back in the amount of pain I was 3 months ago. So I don't know at this point. I go back to the doctor in another week to see the results of the CT scan and I guess we'll see what he says then.

Back on Track

2011-08-13T00:11:00.001-04:00

Well, North Carolina has been redistricted. The lines for the NC House and Senate districts and the NC delegation to the US Congress have been drawn. Literally, and figuratively, but I won't get into that. What it means for me is that another crazy time has come and gone and my hours will be normal again. For a few weeks at least, they're coming back September 12th for a session on constitutional amendments.

Our son, Logan is now deployed to the Middle East. He left about two weeks ago and has arrived safely in the lands of heat and sand. Please think good thoughts for him and his unit and that they stay safe. Apparently, a lot of our troops going to and coming from over there are flown through the Bangor, Maine airport. There's a great group I recently found out about, called The Maine Troop Greeters, that tries to greet every flight of troops. They welcome them back to the US or wish them luck on their tour of duty, but they also take pictures of the troops and post them on their website so that loved ones can see their soldier. They took the picture above of my son talking to his wife just before he left the States. They are an all volunteer group that just does what they can, and I for one greatly appreciate what they do.

Now that work has gotten a little calmer, I've been trying to get back into a normal routine and get my life back on track as far as some of the goals I set for myself for the year, primarily writing and weightloss. I've signed up for an 8 week class at the community college on writing that I hope will help me get my writing jump started. I've started eating healthier and writing down what I eat. I'm making some progress and I'll definitely be talking about both goals in more detail in the future.

I got back to my knitting group earlier this week and it was good to have a girls' night out just hanging out and chatting. I've finished a couple of knitting projects over the past few months despite my work schedule, so maybe I'll do a post with some of those sometime soon as well.

So that's the quick and dirty update on what's going on here, more to come soon.

Do you think he's learned his lesson?

2011-06-30T13:28:00.001-04:00

This is how my morning started...

Which ultimately lead to this.....

You may remember Neko from this post. Neko is still a sweet and loving cat, but he is now an outside cat. Neko decided earlier this year that he no longer liked litter boxes and that he was required to mark his territory by spraying on the furniture. After several fruitless attempts to "cure" this problem, including a vet visit to rule out medical issues, Neko became an outside cat. Now the world is his litter box and he can spray the bushes and the deck to his heart's content.

He makes a good outside cat. We were worried at first that he would run off, but he pretty much stays around the house and comes to get his loving whenever we're outside. He says goodbye every morning when we leave and greets us each evening when we return. Which is why we were a little concerned last night when he didn't greet either of us when we got home, and by this morning still had not eaten any of his food from yesterday.

When I found him this morning, he wouldn't come to me, but he didn't run when I approached...until I tried to put a damp cloth on his eye to clean it up. I decided a trip to the vet was in order and went inside to get the cat carrier.

Neko is not a fan of the cat carrier, but he can usually be cajoled into it without too much trouble. He was having none of it this morning. After desperately trying to get him in and hang onto him as he twisted and clawed, I finally decided that it was more important to get him to the vet than for him to ride in the carrier to get there. So I put both the cat and the carrier in the car. You see the results above. He may look like he's having fun, but he's yowling at the top of his lungs.

The vet's verdict....a corneal puncture which lead to part of his iris prolapsing through the tear. Yes, it looked much worse once he finally opened his eye. Fortunately, the fixing of that is not nearly as expensive as it sounds. Neko will be coming home tonight, where he will get to spend a few days in the basement bathroom until we can get him healed up.

Let's hope when he gets back outside, he's learned his lesson about fighting with the neighbor's cat.

Why do you….?

2011-06-29T22:52:00.003-04:00

I went to a meeting of my knitting group last night. It was the first time I had been able to attend in about 6 months, so it was great to see everyone again and catch up on what's been going on. We had at least one new person to the group last night, so rather than just going around and saying "My name is Susan", someone came up with the idea of everyone telling why they knit.

Turns out a lot of us knit so we don't kill people! In other words, we find it a great stress reliever and source of relaxation. It's definitely that for me. When my hours were so crazy, I sometimes went days without knitting a single stitch, and I could tell. I was antsy to knit something! In reality what I was antsy for was to feel like I could relax for an hour or so. As someone else expressed last night, I also like the fact that there is a tangible result of my knitting. Something to show for the time. I find this particularly true with lace projects. It gives me a sense of pride to turn a few simple stitches into something that looks much more complicated than it really is.

I thought it was interesting though that the question was WHY do you knit, as opposed to when or how did you learn to knit, which is the more frequent question. As I was driving home from the meeting, I started thinking, why do we do anything we do? Or don't do for that matter?

The answer is obvious when it comes to some things. I work because I need to make money to support myself. But why did I choose to be a lawyer, and why do I choose to work in the unique legal niche that I do? I eat because my body needs fuel to survive. But why do I choose some foods over others and, more importantly, why do I prefer junk and fattening stuff to things that are healthier? These are the types of questions I thought about last night while driving, and although I came up with partial answers for some, the answers to those questions are not my point at the moment.

The question that kept bouncing around my head is why do I keep trying to write creatively? I know that I am a good writer in a technical sense, it's more than 50% of my job most of the time. But determining the correct word for the intended legal consequence is very different from finding the perfect word to convey the imagery, feelings and tone you desire in a work of fiction.

I don't know that I can tell you why I keep trying, particularly when so much of the time it seems to end up at the bottom of the "To Do" list. I just know that I have to keep trying, even if it's in stops and starts. And if you're hanging around while I figure this all out, I'm grateful. And I'd be interested to hear….why do you….?

Tilt-A-Whirl

2011-06-25T18:28:00.008-04:00

Do you remember the Tilt-A-Whirl? It was one of my favorite rides as a kid. I loved the anticipation as you leaned heavily on those riding with you, trying to make your car move, and then, suddenly, you were spinning out of control.

My life has been like a Tilt-A-Whirl lately.

I mentioned earlier this year that the General Assembly hit the ground running and let me tell you, they sure kept up the pace. I haven't written much that wasn't work related in the past few months, unless you count a few scribbles here and there when a meeting got really boring and I felt I could tune out for a bit.

I've worked a ton of overtime lately. The first 2 weeks of June, most days I was in the office by 8 - 8:30 and didn't leave until midnight or later. When you add in an hour commute each way and working on weekends as well, it makes for very long, mentally draining, days. Rob hasn't really seen me much, and he's probably pretty tired of eating canned chili for dinner.

There has been a little fun thrown in here and there. My sister, Julie, got married in May and Rob and I spent a week in California for the event. We flew into San Diego the weekend before the wedding and visited his first ship the USS Midway and also saw a friend I hadn't seen since our wedding 11 years ago. On our way North, we also saw Rob's cousin he hadn't seen in almost 20 years and an old friend from the Navy that he hadn't seen in just as long.

We spent a couple of days in the San Francisco area helping Julie & Phil with last minute wedding preparations, and then drove to Healdsburg, CA, in wine country, for the wedding. It was a great trip and a wonderful wedding. Julie & Phil are great together and I've never seen Julie as happy as she is now.

Last weekend Logan and his wife, Michelle, came in from El Paso. Logan is in the Army and will be deploying in July or August so it was good to get a chance to see him before he leaves. Carey & her boyfriend, Nick, my parents, Rob's parent, and my brother and his family were all here over part of the weekend, so it was good to see everyone.

I do wish it hadn't come at the end of crazy time at work, so I could have planned a little more, but Logan didn't have a choice about when he could take his leave. Fortunately, I have understanding coworkers who were able to cover some things for me so I avoided having to work on Saturday, since that was the day they chose to wrap things up temporarily (more on that later).

I'm also very grateful for my mother who came over the Saturday before, the one day I had off in 2 weeks, to help me clean the house. Truth be told, she did most of the cleaning while I dusted and did general picking up and straightening of clutter. Logan and Michelle left Wednesday morning to drive back to El Paso (and got there safely last night) so all is quiet in the Sitze dome again.

No rest for the weary however, since I'm on the redistricting team at work. They have temporarily adjourned the regular session, but they will be back in July to do redistricting and some elections law issues. I spent most of this past week trying to get my desk cleared of all the "regular" session stuff and get my brain wrapped around all the case law related to redistricting, since this is an area of law that is new to me.

There was a round of public hearings Thursday that was 6 hours long, and there will be 2 more rounds in July of equal length. I have to attend each of those. There is also a lot of behind the scenes work to be done, so although I hope to have a little respite from the crazy hours over the next couple of weeks, I know there are more crazy hour days coming.

I may not write here as much as I'd like anytime soon, but I hope to write at least more frequently than I have so far.

He Was

2011-03-17T00:05:00.015-04:00

He was born June 2, 1906, in the tiny community of Erect, in Randolph County, North Carolina. His father was killed in a sawmill accident when he was around 3. His mother moved the family to Alamance County when he was 11 or 12, and he became a 5th grade dropout and one of hundreds of child textile mill workers. His family went through hard times. Many of us have “I remember what I was doing when…” stories, but he remembered being up in a tree pushing out a possum for the family supper when the mill whistle started blowing continuously to signal that WWI was over.

He was always good with money. By the time he was in his late teens he was an entrepreneur, in other words, a loan shark. Not the knee breaking kind, but what my uncle calls a "hip pocket banker". He kept working in the mill, and when he was 21 he married and began providing for a family.

He was too young for WWI, and too old for WWII, but in between he started to raise 3 boys (with a 4th son born in the 50's). He started the first co-op grocery in his area in the 30’s, and started a general variety store in the little town of Ramseur, in the county of his birth. He dabbled in the restaurant business and in the hosiery business too before opening a 2nd store with his brother in 1949 in the Midway section of Burlington.

He was probably a rich man for the times, but you would have never known it. He lost everything he had in the bank when the depression hit, and he decided from that point forward his money was safer in property and business. He worked hard and every dime he earned that didn’t go to support his family was used to buy property or fed back into the business. He raised his sons to be hard workers, but he had fun with them too. He was the father that took the neighborhood boys fishing or camping. He was the father that could always show a kid how to turn a scrap of wood into something fun. My father still tells stories about the various adventures they had as kids.

He was a man who loved dogs, especially boxers. He had several in his lifetime, and it seemed like to me they were all named “Duke”. He believed dogs were just like humans and should eat like humans too. If the dog looked hungry then give him the apple pie in there in the kitchen.

He was 62 years old when I was born. To my young eyes he was already old, but it seemed like he was immortal. He was the one that taught me to fish. He taught me to work in the store, first sweeping, then pricing and eventually running the cash register. He taught me not to be squeamish about picking worms out of manure or putting them on the hook. He taught me to like potted meat and Vienna sausages. He was the one that always put me to work, but paid me for my labor, even if it was just enough to buy a piece of gum. He taught me that nothing in life is free, but you can have everything if you work hard enough.

He was the ultimate bargain shopper and never paid full price for anything if he could help it. He would haggle with anyone and didn’t get bent out of shape if people did it to him in his own store. I think he would be proud that I’ve taught my kids the joy of finding a bargain. The original store in Ramseur closed, but he opened another one in Ramseur in the 60's which had to close a few years back when the highway that ran in front of it was widened. But the store in Burlington is still open today. The store has never advertised, and even though the area around it continues to change drastically, the customers are loyal because they remember his willingness to help them when they needed it, and his ability to get things no one else could. It’s a neighborhood of people on fixed incomes and to this day there’s a file box of index cards behind the counter that contains the details of the “credit” accounts.

He was a living atlas of all the back roads and little towns in North Carolina. He traveled them all before the days of highways and interstates. I learned as I grew that he knew something about and someone in every community within 100 miles. Every time I moved to another town he would come up with someone he knew there & ask me if I knew them.

He was good with his hands and could make anything. Even after he “retired” from the store and the business when he was in his 80’s he got up every day at the crack of dawn and went out to his “shop” where he built the most amazing bird feeders out of scraps. When he didn’t feel like working he’d sit in his shop around the wood stove and entertain his friends. He was always excited to see anyone and always willing to chat.

He was a fisherman, but he wouldn’t eat fish. He fed many hungry families fish dinners through the years. He never gave charity, but he would give anyone a chance.

He was an ice cream lover (a gene that got passed on to my father and me as well). I can’t remember a single time I entered his house without him telling me within the first 5 minutes that there was ice cream in the freezer if I wanted some. And there were always at least 3 flavors. He would sit down with the grocery store ads each week and determine who had the best special that week on ice cream and that's where he would go to stock up for the week.

He was raised in a different time, but he was always willing to learn to change with the new ones, so long as it didn’t require him to give up his dignity or to treat someone with disrespect. He believed in friendship and family until the end.

He was the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He taught me more than I could ever say. He made me feel special, even though there were 10 others just like me; he made us all feel special. To me, he was the man that would never die. No matter how old I got he was still there, still going, and still making us laugh. I thank God I got to know him for 35 years.

But on March 17, 2003 my Daddy called to tell me he was gone. He was 96 years old. He was my grandfather. He was my PaPaw.

“I am standing at the seashore. A ship spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my sides says, “she is gone”.

Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her. Just at the moment when someone says. “She is gone,” there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices have taken up the loud shout. “Here she comes” And that is dying.*

As my father said…Fishing gear in hand, PaPaw set his sails to the morning breeze, while on the other shore they took up the glad shout, “Here he comes, fishing pole and all.”

In Memory of Manley Calvin Hayes

1906-2003

*Source of original unclear, but what is posted here is not intended to be complete or accurate to the original.

Would You Be Unbroken?

2011-03-10T00:21:00.003-05:00

I enjoy reading non-fiction books from time to time, and when I do, they are usually either World War II or Civil War related. Often I find myself wondering what I would have done had I lived during one of those times.

Recently, I read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. The book is the story of an Olympic runner who became a Japanese POW during WWII. I enjoyed the book, and I encourage you to read it. The general story is one that thousands of men lived through, but following one man's specific experience somehow makes it seem more real. But what it did more than anything is make me wonder how young men and women, and even myself, would have dealt with a similar situation today.

I don't know. I like to think that I'm a strong person, at least mentally, but it seems to me that not only was that a different place and time, but the people had different mentalities as well. They did what they had to do and there was less whining and griping about it. There wasn't the pervasive sense of entitlement that seems to exist today, especially in the younger generation. I know that I'm stereotyping, and there are definitely exceptions, but so many people seem to act like life always has to be fair and it's just not.

There are many brave young men and women in our military today. My son is one of them. He's currently stationed in TX, but he will probably be deployed sometime in the next year. Recently, his unit went on a training exercise where they had to camp out for a few days. There was an unexpected snow storm and it was much colder than it usually gets in TX. The way the wives (including my son's) freaked out about their husbands out in the cold you would have thought the Army had taken them to Siberia in January in shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. No, they probably had not taken all the appropriate gear for the weather with them, but they were still on base, it wasn't like they couldn't get it. But even if they couldn't, they were only out there for a few days. Training is supposed to try to prepare them for the real thing, and sometimes you can't predict what's going to happen in the real thing. The Army certainly wasn't going to intentionally put them in harms way for a training exercise, but the training shouldn't be called off or ended early because the weather didn't cooperate. In war, shit happens, and these young men and women are going to war.

I guess my point is, somehow, I can't see the wives and mothers of the soldiers that were in Bastogne whining and complaining on the Army's Facebook page that their husbands and sons were freezing poor babies. I'm sure they were worried, and I'm sure they were praying hard, that they would survive and return home, but they weren't writing letters telling the Army they should just send the men home because it was too cold for them to be fighting a war.

As for the men whose stories are told in Unbroken, I certainly would never fault them if they complained about the conditions in which they were kept, but somehow I imagine them more focused on how to deal with those conditions and survive rather than sitting around whining about it.

Forget the warm up, just run!

2011-02-03T23:26:00.003-05:00

I love my job. I really do. That doesn't mean I don't complain about it sometimes, but overall, I'm happy doing what I do.

I'm a staff attorney for the North Carolina General Assembly. I'm on the non-partisan, central staff, which means I work for all 170 members; both the House and Senate, and both Republican and Democrat (and this biennium one independent as well). My areas of expertise are criminal law, motor vehicle law, juvenile delinquency law, and alcoholic beverage control, although I do a little bit of everything else as well. The simple description of what I do is that I put into writing what the members of the legislature want the laws to do, and I do research to provide information on issues so that they can decide what they want to do.

Because of the non-partisan nature of my job, I will not talk much about my work here. Even when everyone else is weighing in with opinions on an issue, if there's even the slightest political tone to it, you won't read any commentary from me. It's not that I don't have personal opinions, although after 15 years in my job I can always see both sides of an issue, but I don't express them publicly because my job depends on being able to work effectively and in an unbiased way with people with all different sorts of opinions. I do not express my opinions at work either. I may tell a member if something will or will not work from a practical standpoint, but I will never tell them whether it is a good idea or not. Additionally, I am bound by legislative confidentiality from discussing anything that is not discussed in a public meeting or setting. Despite the non-partisan designation, unlike other state employees, I am considered an appointee, and therefore can be fired at any time for no reason whatsoever, so long as it is not discriminatory (i.e. I'm female, black, etc.).

So why am I talking about my job now? Two reasons really. One, I wanted to give those few of you who are not related to me a little bit of information on what I do, just to put things in context a bit. Two, the "long session" of this biennium began on January 26th and I'm swamped already.

Political opinions and affiliations aside, this is an historic session for North Carolina, because for the first time in 140 years, the Republicans have a majority in both the House and Senate. The House was under Republican leadership from 1995 to 1998, but at that time, the Senate was still under Democratic leadership. This is a whole different ballgame. It's actually a nice change of pace to not be sure how everything is going to be done this time around, but at the same time, it puts you a little outside your comfort zone to be figuring out how things are going to be done on the fly.

The NCGA runs on a biennium, with the "long session" in odd numbered years, and the "short session" in even. Usually, in a long session year, there is a "warm-up" period of a couple of weeks before they really get up and running full tilt. Leadership has to be elected, committees determined and appointed, etc. This session however, the Republican leadership was really on the ball and worked a lot of that out before session started, so all they had to do was go through the formalities of making it all official the first couple of days. That in and of itself is not a problem. Except for the few newer employees for whom this is their first session, most of us know to expect some craziness as things get going, whether it happens in the 3rd week or the first.

What's stressing me out this year, is that on top of all the things I usually do, I've been placed on the redistricting team. Of course you know that every 10 years there is a US Census done. As a result of that census, every state must then redraw their district lines for US Congress, state Senate and state House. This is a meticulous process full of all sorts of legal and political ramifications. I am certainly not the only staff member that will be dealing with this issue, there are 7 of us, but unfortunately, 2 of us just found out a month ago that we were going to be working on the issue, so we are scrambling to catch up to the other 5 who have been preparing for months. There is a whole host of federal and state law, and case law that applies to this issue, but sometimes only to certain types of plans or certain counties. Additionally, there is a specialized software program that I am having to become familiar with and it is created on a format that is nothing like anything I've ever used, so it is not at all intuitive for me.

I have been attempting to leave the office each day at a decent hour (5:30-6:30), since it is so early in session and I know the longer hours are definitely coming. However, I realized today that the longer hours are going to have to start sooner rather than later. In 9.5 hours of work today, I was in my office probably a total of 3.5 hours, including eating lunch at my desk. The remaining 6.5 hours were spent in meetings and consultations with members and other staff getting instructions and input for all the things that I need time in my office to actually accomplish. The unfortunate reality is that I spend large chunks of my day in meetings or dealing with immediate needs and it is often 4 or 5 in the afternoon before I have time to work on things for the next day's meeting or on bill drafts. But I still love my job, and the variety and even the hair-pulling craziness are what keep it interesting and exciting for me.

*******

On a separate note. I have not done well the past couple of weeks on my goals. Obviously I have not been writing here 3 times a week. I have made an effort to keep writing at least in my journal, but it has admittedly not been for 30 minutes every day. I'm still working on it. I haven't posted here more because I'm really having a hard time thinking of what to talk about. I don't want to turn this into a listing of the minutia of my day, and as mentioned above I can't really talk about the details anyway. But I also haven't worked hard enough at coming up with ideas or fleshing out the few ideas I do have, so I'm going to try to be better about that. If you're reading this and have any ideas about what I should write about, please fell free to tell me in a comment!

I did well for a couple of weeks on the eating healthy portion of my weight loss goals, and I haven't done horribly the past couple of weeks, although not as well as I did the first two. I haven't started exercising at all though. I'm not a morning person, I like to get out of the bed, shower, dress & head out the door, and by the time I get home at night and fix dinner, etc., even if I left work at a decent hour it's already 7:30 or 8:00 and I don't feel like it. But I've got to figure out a time to start fitting it in, even if I do it in 10 minutes at a time.

Crazy Cat people

2011-01-18T01:00:00.003-05:00

Rob says when you have more cats than people in the house, you're crazy cat people. With 3 cats, and only 2 humans now that the kids have left home, I guess we qualify. Truth is, we'd have more cats if Rob would let me bring home more. We've tried to be dog people too, and we actually both really like dogs, we just don't want the extra effort required to take care of them. With a cat you can leave it food, water & a clean litter box and take off for a weekend. A dog either has to go with you or be kenneled.

Each of our cats has their own personality, and as I looked around the living room today while all three of them snoozed the afternoon away, I imagined what they would have to say about themselves, each other, and us…..

I wish the mama person would sit still. She keeps shifting on the couch, and every time she does, she moves her feet, which I'm sleeping on. She is kind enough to stop her reading and pet me occasionally, but never for long enough, she just won't leave her hand there so I can lick it. I like to lick. The daddy person's head is fun to lick whenever he'll let me, but he doesn't seem to like it much, I wonder why? At least that nasty male orange cat isn't trying to get in my space. Neko, what kind of name is that?, and he thinks he's such a badass since he still has his front claws. Hah! I'm the queen of this castle buster, and don't you forget it. Good, the mama person has stopped moving again, I can go back to sleep.

Aaaahhh, this is a nice comfy pillow. The people were so nice to leave it laying flat on the couch for me, especially since the daddy person has that ugly silver thing in his lap where I'M supposed to be. I can see that big old fat Gicho over there next to the mama person. Suck up. She thinks she's the cat's meow, but she's not all that, laying around on the floor all the time with her belly up and her legs spread. It's not too bad here. I've only been here about 10 months, but the people here have taken care of me since my last person had to go away, and they appreciate my purring, as long as I keep my claws out of the furniture. Even if that scaredy cat Sable won't let me in the closet where the litter boxes are, I don't care, the people gave me my own litter box and it even cleans itself! *yawn* I can barely keep my eyes open.

This is the kind of day I like. The people are here, so I can get some attention when I want it. I really like to follow the mama person into that room with the big white bowl full of water. If I bat at her enough while she's sitting on it, she'll usually pet me. And when she's done I like to watch the water swirl and swirl around. Sometimes I like to play in it too, but I don't always want to get my paws wet. I'm glad the people didn't invite any other people to our house today. Other people scare me, and I have to go hide in my people's bedroom until they leave. I can see Gicho and that cocky Neko over there on the couch near the mama person, but I like to keep my distance unless I'm in the mood for petting. So tired…..

Snow Days

2011-01-12T22:38:00.001-05:00

The weather here has been less than stellar the past couple of days.

I was home Monday because at 6:30am it was already snowing here in Sanford, and they were saying it was going to start in Raleigh around lunchtime, so I figured if I went to work and then left early I would be driving from bad to worse. I have a rear-wheel drive car, which is not the best for bad weather driving. It ended up not being all that bad, and in hindsight I could have gotten to work and home fine if I'd just left work a little early. Everything did freeze over Monday night, so yesterday I did go in late & leave early, and I really only did that because Rob didn't have to go to work, so I was able to take his car, which has all-wheel drive. I drove my car this morning, but went in a little later just to be safe, but by the time I came home tonight the roads were pretty dry, so hopefully there won't be any ice in the morning.

Having an unexpected day at home is nice when it happens. When you can't go out, it just feels good to cozy up in the house in your sweats and do some reading and knitting. I got most of a hat knitted for Rob on Monday, and would have finished it, except I got half way through and realized it was going to be too small, so I had to rip it all out and start over. I made beef stew for dinner with sourdough bread and all in all it was a nice day just hanging out with Rob.

These days are mixed blessings though. The downside of Monday is that I wasn't prepared to be away from work, and now I have just as much work to do, but less time to do it. The class I was supposed to teach Monday morning had to be rescheduled, and several other things I had planned to do Monday and Tuesday now have to be crammed into the rest of the week. I left on time tonight since they were still calling for some refreezing, but I'm probably going to have to work a little later tomorrow and Friday, and most likely I'll go into the office one day this weekend.

On a different note. I've got several blog posts in the works, on varying subjects that have popped into my head, but nothing quite ready yet. Hopefully soon!

Obliviots

2011-01-06T23:19:00.001-05:00

You know who I mean. Those oblivious idiots who believe the world revolves around them and don't care that anything they do might affect someone else. You see them most often out in retail establishments, standing in the middle of the aisle with their cart angled across the aisle blocking the entire aisle, coming to a dead stop in the middle of the doorway into or out of the store, rearranging their entire pocket book at the register, etc.

They often travel in packs of obliviots and raise obliviot kids to boot. We were in Target last weekend and just as I started to walk down one of the main, 10 foot wide, aisles a group of about 3-4 adults and 3-4 kids came out of one of the side aisles and spread themselves completely across the wide aisle, all of them stopping and circling and looking around. What they were looking for I have no idea, as half of them were looking at the ceiling, but what they were not looking for was whether there was anyone else around them that might like to, oh, you know, walk down the aisle?

And if you say something, even something polite, they usually have the gall to suggest, either in words or mannerisms, that you are the one being rude. I was in the grocery store a week before Christmas with my daughter and mother-in-law. As we were attempting to leave the store, two women in front of us decided they had to stop dead in the doorway to adjust their hats and scarves before going outside. Meanwhile, there were people accumulating behind us and others trying to get into the store, all being blocked by these two people who must have had some seriously complicated hats and scarves. Finally, I politely, but firmly, said "Excuse us please". I probably said it a little loudly as well, because well they're obliviots, if I didn't say it loud enough they wouldn't have realized I was talking to them now would they? It still took a minute to register that I was in fact talking to them, and then the evil looks and muttering started as they oh so slowly made their way out the door, glaring back at me at least twice in the process.

I really try to be patient when I'm in public, really I do, and for the most part I usually succeed. Sure I look for the shortest checkout line, but once I've chosen one I stick with it & don't line hop. I wait patiently for my turn so long as progress is being made, even slow progress. I may grind my teeth at people who don't think things like 15 items or less apply to them, but unless their 15 is really 50 I keep my mouth shut. But there are times my patience is tried and the mouth just won't stay shut. I've never gone off on anyone…yet, but I've been known to make a comment or two, either directly to the person or to whomever might be with me at the time.

It does no good though. There will always be obliviots in this world, I just hope you're not one of them.

My Year in Knitting 2010

2011-01-04T00:59:00.005-05:00

Milkweed Shawl

Multnomah Shawl

Traveling Woman Shawl

My first try at double knitting, a scarf for Carey.

Tibetan Clouds Stole - One of my top favorite knits of all time so far!

And the masterpiece of the year, which took me 8 months to knit…….

Ingrid's Bridal Knot Christening Shawl - made for my newest niece. It's over 4,000 yards of lace weight yarn and is about 60 inches in diameter, in other words, it's huge!

There's an 11 Shawls in 2011 group this year too, so guess I'll have to join!

One last post recapping 2010. This time I'm showing off some of my knitting projects from the year. Not all of them by any means, but a few of my favorites. I joined a 10 Shawls in 2010 group this year on Ravelry, so these are a few of the shawls I made.

2011 Reading List

2011-01-04T00:57:00.074-05:00

Books I've read in 2011 (174 Total)

I tend to find an author I like and then read everything they've written that I can get through the library, so you will frequently see strings of books by the same author.

January 2011 (23)
A Day of Small Things by Vicki Lane
One Grave Less by Beverly Connor
Room for Murder by Tim Myers
The Woods by Harlan Coben
One Shot by Lee Child
Buttons and Bones by Monica Ferris
Innkeeping with Murder by Tim Myers
Reservations for Murder by Tim Myers
Murder Checks Inn by Tim Myers
Booked for Murder by Tim Myers
Convenient Disposal by Steven Havill
Snuffed Out by Tim Myers
Death Waxed Over by Tim Myers
A Flicker of Doubt by Tim Myers
Dead Men Don't Lye by Tim Myers
A Mold for Murder by Tim Myers
Gone for Good by Harlan Coben
Trial by Fire by J.A. Jance
Scavengers by Steven F. Havill
A Discount for Death by Steven F. Havill
Statute of Limitations by Steven F. Havill
Final Payment by Steven F. Havill
The Fourth Time is Murder by Steven F. Havill

February 2011 (14)
Red, Green, or Murder by Steven F. Havill
Out of Season by Steven F. Havill
Marrying Daisy Bellamy by Susan Wiggs
No Second Chance by Harlan Coben
Tell No One by Harlan Coben
Just One Look by Harlan Coben
Caught by Harlan Coben
Hold Tight by Harlan Coben
The Innocent by Harlan Coben
An Engagement in Seattle by Debbie Macomber
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
Promise Canyon by Robyn Carr
Wild Man Creek by Robyn Carr
Harvest Moon by Robyn Carr

March 2011 (31)
A Creed in Stone Creek by Linda Lael Miller
The McKettrick Legend by Linda Lael Miller
The God of the Hive by Laurie R. King
Hand of Evil by J.A. Jance
Web of Evil by J.A. Jance
Cruel Intent by J.A. Jance
Fire and Ice by J.A. Jance
Queen of the Night by J.A. Jance
Desert Heat by J.A. Jance
Tombstone Courage by J.A. Jance
Shoot Don't Shoot by J.A. Jance
Dead to Rights by J.A. Jance
Hour of the Hunter by J.A. Jance
Skeleton Canyon by J.A. Jance
Rattlesnake Crossing by J.A. Jance
Outlaw Mountain by J.A. Jance
Devil's Claw by J.A. Jance
Paradise Lost by J.A. Jance
Partner in Crime by J.A. Jance
Exit Wounds by J.A. Jance
Dead Wrong by J.A. Jance
Damage Control by J.A. Jance
Until Proven Guilty by J.A. Jance
Injustice for All by J.A. Jance
Trial by Fury by J.A. Jance
Taking the Fifth by J.A. Jance
Improbable Cause by J.A. Jance
A More Perfect Union by J.A. Jance
Dismissed With Prejudice by J.A. Jance
Minor in Possession by J.A. Jance
Payment in Kind by J.A. Jance
Failure to Appear by J.A. Jance

April 2011 (21)
Lying in Wait by J.A. Jance
Name Withheld by J.A. Jance
Orchard Valley Brides by Debbie Macomber
Breach of Duty by J.A. Jance
Double Prey by Steven F. Havill
Fatal Error by J.A. Jance
Without Due Process by J.A. Jance
Birds of Prey by J.A. Jance
Long Time Gone by J.A. Jance
Justice Denied by J.A. Jance
Knitting Diaries by Debbie Macomber, Susan Mallery, Christina Skye
Driftwood Cottage by Sherryl Woods
Almost Home by Mariah Stewart
Angel's Rest by Emily March
Hummingbird Lake by Emily March
Moonlight Cove by Sherryl Woods
The Search by Nora Roberts
A Light at Winter's End by Julia London
More than Words: Stories of Strength by Carla Neggers, Susan Mallery, Karen Harper
Coming Home by Mariah Stewart
Almost Perfect by Susan Mallery

May 2011 (12)
Sleeping with Patty Hearst by Mary Lambeth Moore
Chasing Perfect by Susan Mallery
The President's Daughter by Mariah Stewart
Heartache Falls by Emily March
Home Again by Mariah Stewart
Miss Liz's Passion/Home on the Ranch by Sherryl Woods/Allison Leigh
Lip Service by Susan Mallery
Hot on Her Heels by Susan Mallery
The Nosy Neighbor by Fern Michaels
Almost Home by Debbie Macomber, Cathy Lamb, Judy Duarte, Mary Carter
Bloodroot by Amy Greene
Creed's Honor by Linda Lael Miller

June 2011(9)
The Wedding Shawl by Sally Goldenbaum
The Scoop by Fern Michaels
Exclusive by Fern Michaels
The Bone Yard by Jefferson Bass
Beach Lane by Sherryl Woods
Ape House by Sara Gruen
Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin
Unraveled by Maggie Sefton
Me & Emma by Elizabeth Flock

July 2011 (10)
The Creed Legacy by Linda Lael Miller
The Union Quilters by Jennifer Chiaverini
The Lock Artist by Steve Hamilton
Deep in the Valley by Robyn Carr
Three Junes by Julia Glass
Irish Hearts by Nora Roberts
Rocky Mountain Man by Jillian Hart
Down by the River by Robyn Carr
The Goodbye Quilt by Susan Wiggs
Lakeside Cottage by Susan Wiggs

August 2011 (15)
Barefoot by Elin Hilderbrand
Only Mine by Susan Mallery
A Turn in the Road by Debbie Macomber
Night Road by Kristin Hannah
Stolen by Vivian Vande Velde
Just Over the Mountain by Robyn Carr
In Search of the Rose Notes by Emily Arsenault
One Summer by Joann Ross
Chin Up, Honey by Curtiss Ann Matlock
1105 Yakima Street by Debbie Macomber
One True Thing by Anna Quindlen
The Homecoming by Joann Ross
Testimony by Anita Shreve
'Tis the Season by Carole Mortimer, Alison Roberts and Natalie Anderson

September 2011 (12)
Room by Emma Donoghue
No Regrets by Joann Ross
Far Harbor by Joan Ross
Shoedog by George Pelecanos
Sunset Bridge by Emilie Richards
The Merlot Murders by Ellen Crosby
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Giver by Lois Lowry
Out of the Rain by Debbie Macomber
The Most Dangerous Thing by Laura Lippman
Flash and Bones by Kathy Reichs
Indulgence in Death by J.D. Robb

October 2011 (6)
Betrayal of Trust by J.A. Jance
Escape by Barbara Delinsky
I Totally Meant to Do That by Jane Borden
Pirate King by Laurie R. King
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
A Lawman's Christmas by Linda Lael Miller

November 2011 (11)
1225 Christmas Tree Lane by Debbie Macomber
Christmas Eve at Friday Harbor by Lisa Kleypas
Holiday in Stone Creek by Linda Lael Miller
Bring Me Home For Christmas by Robyn Carr
Touched By Angels by Debbie Macomber
Three Day Town by Margaret Maron
Christmas at Timberwoods by Fern Michaels
The Charm School by Susan Wiggs
Hometown Girl by Mariah Stewart
Only Yours by Susan Mallery
Only His by Susan Mallery

December (10)
Tea and Destiny /Light the Stars by Sherryl Woods/Raeanne Thayne
Serendipity by Fern Michaels
Happy Ever After by Nora Roberts
At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks
The Four Seasons by Mary Alice Monroe
Learning to Love by Debbie Macomber
Holly Lane by Toni Blake
I'll Be Home for Christmas by Linda Lael Miller/Catherine Mulvaney/Julie Leto/Roxane St. Clair
Making Spirits Bright by Fern Michaels
Hidden Summit by Robyn Carr

Happy New Year!

2011-01-02T22:11:00.002-05:00

As I'm writing the rough draft of this post, it is 10:40 p.m. on New Year's Day. We've been spending the weekend with friends out of town, and after a late New Year's Eve that involved copious amounts of alcohol, we headed to bed early tonight. But as I was laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, I realized that on the first day of the new year, I was about to blow my goal of writing at least 30 minutes every day. So I grabbed the little notebook I keep in my purse and decided to start writing this post.

We've had a fun weekend with friends that we don't get to see very often. They live 3 hours away and between our busy lives and theirs, it's often hard to make time to get together. But they're the best kind of friends. Although it sometimes may be 2 years between visits, it's always comfortable and fun to be together. We keep up mostly through e-mail and Facebook these days, but there are always things that happen in each of our lives that don't get relayed through those methods which seem to finally get shared when we have a weekend together.

So now it's Sunday, and we're back home, and back to work tomorrow. Although I worked a couple of days last week, the holidays are officially over and it's back to full work weeks again. Time to start really kicking my brain into gear, as the craziness begins January 26th!

And no, this post didn't take 30 minutes to write, it's just part of what I wrote during those 30 minutes.

Looking Forward 2011 (Part II)

2010-12-31T00:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I talked about some of my goals for writing in 2011. Today I'm going to talk about another area I want, and need, to focus on in 2011.

WEIGHTLOSS

This is more important than my writing goals, because we're talking about my health. It's also much more personal, and therefore much more difficult for me to discuss. But as I said, I'm hoping that posting about my goals here will help me stay more accountable and focused.

I have spent most of my life overweight. I was a chubby kid, and in high school I was 10-15 lbs overweight. I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, but I also danced 15-20 hours a week, so that helped keep my weight down somewhat. When I went to college, I continued to eat whatever I wanted, but I was no longer dancing, so the weight started to pile on and stayed there. I would make short term attempts to eat healthier and exercise, but they never lasted more than a month or so.

In 1999 I decided it was time to try again, and I went and joined Weight Watchers. I was motivated this time, as I was dating Rob, and while we weren't yet engaged, we had discussed marriage and I didn't want to be a fat bride. Once I set my mind to something, I can generally do it, I just have to want to put forth the effort. In 1999, I did, and by the time I got married in June 2000 I was down to a healthy weight and looked and felt great. I kept it off for a couple of years, but by 2002, it was starting to creep back on, and I was doing nothing about it. I had changed my lifestyle, as far as food and exercise, to lose the weight, but I didn't maintain the changes over time. So here I am again, back where I started, where I swore I would never be again, and a few pounds heavier to boot.

My sister is getting married in May, and I am the Matron of Honor. I know I can't lose all of the weight I need to lose to get to a healthy weight before then, but I can lose some of it. I have also been having some issues with my back, which are thankfully unrelated to my weight, but back surgery is somewhere in my future. I don't know if it will be this year or next, or maybe even several years down the road, but I'm sure my recovery will be easier with less weight to worry about. I need to do this for my health in general, but I'm hoping that these will also give me a little extra motivation to stick to it this time.

I know I have emotional issues with food. I use food for comfort, stress relief, and reward alike. I am also realistic about what changes I can make in my eating habits that can be maintained. I am lazy by nature when it comes to exercise, however, I know that when I exercise regularly, I tend to eat healthier, so exercise has to be part of the plan.

I'm not going to use a specific plan this time. Weight Watchers has recently changed their points system and I don't care for the new program. I also know that finding time to get to a meeting, with the way my work schedule is going to be, and the distance the meeting center now is from my office is unrealistic, and if I can't make a meeting, I tend to give myself too much leeway for a couple of days. I am however going to use some of the tricks and tools I learned from Weight Watchers the first go round, and I'm going to use an online support forum as well as this blog to keep me accountable.

Goal - Eat healthier and keep a food journal. Yes, I know the "eat healthier" part is vague and difficult to actually measure, but by keeping the food journal I'll be able to determine whether I'm actually succeeding in eating mostly healthy foods. I don't plan to track points exactly, nor do I plan to keep track of all the calories, fat, fiber, carbs, etc. I will focus on things like eating more fruits and vegetables, eating lower-fat, drinking more water and less diet soda, etc. I will write down everything I eat, and also any thoughts or feelings related to what I'm eating. Did I eat that candy bar because I was stressed or bored, etc.

Goal - Exercise regularly. Again, somewhat vague, but that's because this will be an evolving goal and what is "regular" will change. I have an appointment with my orthopedist next week, and I need to discuss with him what specific exercises I can do without risking further back damage. After that discussion, I'm going to set some specific exercise goals for the next month. I'm pretty sure from previous discussions that walking will be o.k., but I don't know what will be acceptable as far as other types of exercise such as hand weights, etc. I plan to increase the amount of exercise over time. So while my goal for the first month might be to walk 30 minutes 3 times a week, the second month might be 5 times a week, or still 3 times a week, but for 45 minutes. This is something I need to sit down and spend a little more time on planning. I will create a written plan, on at least a monthly basis, and will keep track of my exercise.

Goal - Track my weight and measurements. This might seem obvious, but I want to make it a goal, because if I don't I'll have a tendency not to weigh myself for a couple of weeks and I lose focus. I will weigh myself every Monday morning, and I will keep track on a chart of what I have lost (or gained). I may also post my gains and loses here, although I won't be telling you my actual weight anytime soon. I will also take my measurements and re-measure the first Monday of every month.

I plan to "officially" start with my weight and tracking on Monday, January 3, 2011. Since I will weigh myself on Mondays, a week will be Monday through Sunday for these goals.

As I mentioned before, this is a difficult issue for me to talk about. I know what I need to do to lose the weight, I just have to do it. If you have any great healthy recipes for me to try, or have found a new, fun way to exercise, or something of that nature, please feel free to share. I'm open to comments in general as well. But honestly, what I don't want to hear about are specific diet plans, such as Atkins or south beach, the grapefruit diet, the no bread diet, or how I should go vegetarian or vegan or whatever. I am looking to make changes to my eating and exercise habits that I can maintain to continue to live a healthy lifestyle after I've lost the weight. I cannot eat low carb or vegetarian the rest of my life, it's just not going to happen. I will never completely give up pizza, I will just eat less of it and less often. So please just restrain yourself from commenting if all you have to offer is to tell me about the great vitamin drink you have in place of 2 meals a day….not going to happen!

I don't plan on turning this into a weight loss blog either. I will definitely be talking some about my efforts at weight loss, but it will not dominate every post, I promise.

Looking Forward 2011 (Part I)

2010-12-29T23:03:00.002-05:00

I don't make New Year's resolutions per se, but I do try to use the beginning of the new year as a time to think about and choose some areas of my life that I'd like to focus on or make improvements in as the new year progresses, and set some attainable, measureable goals in those areas.

I've started thinking some about what those will be in 2011, and while some of them will stay private, there are a couple I want to post about here, for two reasons. First, they're areas of my life that I will probably post about a good bit, and second, by putting my goals out here it will help me stay more accountable to myself just knowing that others know what I'm trying to achieve.

You can probably guess the first one….WRITING

After a dedicated couple of months this fall, my writing has been sadly almost nonexistent for the past 6 weeks or so. There are a lot of excuses for this, mainly that I have been focused on other things, but it basically boils down to the fact that I have not made the time to write.

Nanowrimo turned into basically Nanothing this year. I just didn't have a clear idea of where my story was going and got frustrated with it and gave up. I haven't given up on the story itself, but it will need to be rethought and researched more before it's replanned and any more writing occurs on that idea. I've decided that rather than trying to just write a novel, even a basic rough draft of one, I should focus more on getting in the habit of writing and improving my writing skills. If an idea for another novel should strike me fully formed I'm not saying I won't start writing on it, but I'm not going to make a novel my goal for the year, rather I'm going to work on smaller writing projects and smaller goals.

Goal - Make time to write at least 30 minutes every single day. Until August 1, 2011, this can include writing in my personal journal, writing a blog post, doing a writing exercise, or just writing whatever comes to me at the time. The point is, I have to write it, not just compose it in my head while driving or laying in bed. After August 1, 2011, writing in my personal journal no longer counts towards the 30 minutes. Hopefully by that point I will be more in the habit of writing and won't be as stymied on what to write about other than the minutia of my day. Also, by that time of the year, work will be less crazy and I should have more time in general to write in my personal journal and do other writing as well. There will definitely be times the first half of the year when all my brain will be able to do is relate the minutia of my day, if that, so in order to meet this goal, some days my personal journal will have to count.

Goal - Do a blog post 3 times a week. For purposes of this goal, a week is Sunday through Saturday. Some of the posts might be short, and might be along the lines of "work is so crazy right now I don't have time to think", and you might see a lot more weekend posts than weekday posts, but I think this is doable, and if I meet this, then that covers at least 3 days a week of my 30 minute/day goal.

Goal - At least once a week, do a writing exercise. Again, Sunday through Saturday is a week. By writing exercise, I mean either: 1) taking a writing prompt and spending some time writing something and doing at least some editing and crafting of the writing, or 2) doing an exercise from one of the writing sites, books, magazines, etc. that is designed to work on a particular area of writing, such as plot, character development, dialogue, etc.

Goal - Actually keep track of whether I'm meeting these goals. I will create a document or calendar or something that tracks when I do each of these so that I can see whether I'm meeting the goals.

That's it for today, more tomorrow.

Looking Back - 2010

2010-12-29T01:34:00.001-05:00

The holiday season has been very busy this year, and not just because of the holidays. All of 2010 was pretty busy for us, and as we start to look forward to 2011, I thought I would do a little recap of some of the major events of 2010 in our family. For those of you related to me, it will be a walk down memory lane, and for those few of you reading this who are not related to me, perhaps it will give a little more background and insight into me and my life.

Our son, Logan, joined the Army in late 2009 and graduated from basic training in February 2010. He was at Ft. Jackson, SC for basic, so fortunately we were able to drive down for the weekend for his graduation, as were my parents and Rob's (previously mentioned as "my husband") parents. It was a busy weekend, with a few headaches because of the vast number of people on base for the weekend's festivities, and the nasty, rainy, weather which forced the ceremonies indoors and created some confusion, but overall we were glad to be there. We're very proud that he has chosen to serve in the Army. After basic, Logan was off to Ft. Huachuca, Arizona for his AIT (Advanced Individual Training), which is essentially his specific job training.

After Logan's graduation, most of the next couple of months were relatively uneventful. The only real item of note is that around this time, after a long search, I finally found a knitting group that clicked. It may seem silly, but I had visited a couple of groups and guilds over the fall, looking for a group of fellow knitters to meet with regularly, and while they were all welcoming, none of them seemed quite the right fit. I've been on Ravelry for a couple of years and at one time had contacted the few people on that site that live in Sanford to see if they wanted to try to get together. We were unsuccessful in arranging anything that suited everyone's schedule, but one of the ladies I had contacted previously contacted me again early this year and asked if I wanted to meet up sometime. Since we both live in Sanford, but work in Raleigh, we met one night after work and then went to a guild meeting I had been attending some. We hit it off pretty well, so she invited me to the knitting group she attends regularly, and that's the group that finally clicked. It's a mixed group of people, ages, and professions, but I feel at home there and that I can be myself and they love to knit like I do!

In May, we were off to Boone to see our daughter, Carey, graduate from Appalachian State University. It was a fun weekend with my parents and Rob's parents. We stayed at a nice little hotel in Blowing Rock within walking distance of downtown Blowing Rock. The owners were very friendly, and it was nice to be able to walk downtown without having to find a place to park. It was a much colder weekend than we had expected for May, but other than that, and the fact that my father wasn't feeling very well, we had a good time.

In June, Rob and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We're not big on the actual celebration part, but we did spend a nice Saturday together visiting several NC wineries, and we brought home quite a bit of good wine to prove it!

Logan came home for 2 weeks in June between finishing AIT and reporting to his duty station at Ft. Bliss, TX. We had friends and family over to see him one Saturday while he was here and also surprised him with a visit from his grandmother that lives in Michigan.

On July 9th, my brother and his wife had their 3rd daughter. Like her two older sisters, she's a beautiful baby. She has to be the happiest, most cheerful baby I've ever been around. She rarely cries or gets fussy, and is content for just about anyone to hold her, or to just sit in her carrier or swing and watch what's going on. Also in July, Logan surprised us all with the announcement that he had gotten engaged. He was only 18 and had only known his fiancé for a few months, so we were very surprised, and a little concerned, but he seemed to know that she is the one for him. At the time, he said the wedding would be a couple of years away.

In August, we celebrated my parents' 70th birthday and 44th wedding anniversary with a family dinner at the Carolina Inn in Chapel Hill. This turned out to be an eventful weekend. My sister and her boyfriend came in from San Francisco for the weekend, and he proposed to her on Friday on the main quad on the campus of UNC. My father, my sister, and I are all alumni of UNC and we are a definite UNC family, so it meant a lot to her that he would recognize that in his proposal. We had a great time at dinner and it was nice to hang out with my sister a bit, since we don't see each other that often.

Rob and I took a trip to the North Georgia mountains in mid-September. As I am enthralled with knitting, Rob is equally entranced by wood turning, so we went for a wood turning symposium. An entire weekend of talks and demonstrations on turning wood on a lathe. I attended a few of the sessions, but otherwise enjoyed some quiet time knitting and wandering around North Georgia a bit. And of course, I visited the local yarn shop! We stayed at Unicoi State Park, where the symposium was held. The closest town was Helen, GA, which is a small town that looks like a German alpine village. Touristy to the extreme, but fun to walk around for a bit. Rob learned a lot, we saw some really great and creative turned items, and it was a nice relaxing weekend.

In early November, Carey and her boyfriend came to spend a weekend with us here in Sanford. We had an enjoyable weekend just hanging out, and after they left I realized that it was the first time she had come home that it felt like having adult house guests for the weekend rather than a college student crashing at the house. It's nice to begin to develop an adult relationship with your children and not have to play the parent role all the time. Thanksgiving was spent at Rob's parents' home near Charlotte. My parents came down and had Thanksgiving dinner with us, and we had a good time.

The holidays snuck up on me this year. I had a lot going on with work and before I knew it, it was almost Christmas. But before we got to Christmas, we had another big event. Logan got married on December 19th. They had a small ceremony in Fayetteville, NC. She made a beautiful bride, and he was very handsome in his Class A uniform. We were glad that most of the family, including Logan's grandmother, aunt and uncle from Michigan were able to attend. They are young, but they seem committed to each other and committed to dealing with the ups and downs that marriage may bring. We hope that they will have a long happy life together. Unfortunately, Logan only had a few days leave, so was not able to stay through Christmas. He had to head back to Ft. Bliss, but he's in the process of getting all the paperwork filed and finding them an apartment off-base, and she plans to move out to TX in mid-January, so hopefully they won't be separated for much longer.

Due to everything going on, and the fact that I wasn't hosting this year, I didn't "do" Christmas this year the way I usually do. I did a minimal amount of decorating, and didn't even put up a tree. I had a small ceramic lighted tree on the bar in the dining room and put up my outside lights and that was about it. I also didn't do as much baking, since my house wasn't going to be full of guests to eat it all. I did make a few favorites and took some to the neighbors as usual. I didn't even send out Christmas cards, as I just couldn't find the time to sit down and write them all. (However, if you usually receive a Christmas card from me, don't despair, you will most likely receive an edited version of this post in a New Year's letter!)

We had a white Christmas!!!! We spent Christmas at my parents' house this year and really enjoyed it. My sister and her fiancé came in from CA. We went to Reidsville on Christmas Eve. Carey met us there and we hung out Friday with my parents and my sister and her fiancé. Friday afternoon the girls went and had manicures and pedicures, while the boys went to help Dad pick out and install a flat screen TV for Mom's Christmas present. I think Dad really wanted it as much as he wanted to get it for Mom, but I think they will both enjoy it. And for my techie husband, who also can't stand to just sit around without doing anything, it gave him something to do for a while. Christmas Day, while we were waiting for my brother and his family to get there, it started snowing. And kept on snowing. We had a nice Christmas dinner and some social time, including snowman building by my nieces, father and sister's fiancé. By the time Rob, Carey and I left around 5:30, Reidsville had close to a couple of inches of snow and it was still snowing hard. But by the time we got just south of Greensboro, 30 miles away, it was only rain.

But we didn't miss the snow here in Sanford, we just had to wait a little longer. It started here around midnight Saturday night and snowed all day Sunday off and on. Overall we ended up with 5-6 inches. That's quite a bit of snow for the sandhills of NC in general, and especially this early in the year. We had a lazy day Sunday, just hanging out reading and knitting and watching the snow, and other than a 2 hour power outage Sunday morning all was well.

Well, I believe I have probably written more than enough for one post, but at least I posted something! Tomorrow I start looking forward to 2011.

Mountain Longing

2010-11-21T00:00:00.002-05:00

I love the mountains.

I had to go to Asheville this week for a meeting, and like every time I visit the NC mountains, I was struck by how much I really want to live there. I'm not sure why I enjoy the mountains so much. I enjoy going to the beach, but I would never want to actually live at the beach. But I would move to the mountains in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, unless I find some other source of income than the legal profession, it's not a realistic possibility until I retire. Sure, there are legal jobs in the NC mountains, but I would do almost anything to avoid going back into private practice, so that severely limits my options.

It doesn't stop me from dreaming and hoping though. Every time my husband and I take a trip to the western part of the state, we spend some time looking at smaller towns in whatever area we happen to be visiting. Ideally, we'd like to buy some land and put a trailer, or something we could spend weekends in, on the land and slowly do the necessary improvements needed to get the land ready to build our retirement home. It's still a dream at this point though.

The downside to my visit to Asheville this time was that I tripped over a folded up floor mat & slammed my head into a metal door handle. I'm fine, but I have a small cut on my left eyebrow that bled like a stuck pig for a while, and my eyelid and under my eye were a lovely shade of purplish red that is now starting to turn yellow. I told my husband he was lucky I was out of town when it happened, and that I have witnesses, otherwise people would think he did it.

The incident didn't change my desire to live in the mountains though…someday.

HodgePodge

2010-11-11T16:41:00.002-05:00

I didn't mean to go a week without posting. I kept thinking about posting, but just kept coming up with other things to do instead.

It's been a busy, awkward week or so at work. We have 4 new employees that I'm largely responsible for coordinating some training for, and on top of that, this week they are literally moving the walls in my office, so I've been working on my laptop out of the library, the windowless conference room, or wherever I can find to plug in & have a phone nearby. Today is a holiday & tomorrow I'm going to be working from home. Monday, they are supposed to be done and between meetings on Monday and Tuesday I will have to move everything to my new (smaller) office and get everything set back up so they know where to run my computer and phone cables. Wednesday & Thursday I will be in Asheville for a meeting, and then Friday I will be out of the office as well for another meeting. So next week will be just as crazy as this one.

Our daughter and her boyfriend were here over the weekend. We really enjoyed having them here. She's 22 years old, and while she's been sort of "grown-up" for some time, this was probably the first time it truly felt like having adult house guests for the weekend, rather than a college student sleeping here for the weekend while she hung out with her friends. It also helps that we like the young man she's currently dating, and he didn't seem to mind hanging out here with us and helping my husband work on cars.

What I haven't done over the past week really, is do any writing. I'm still sitting at 4,375 words on my Nano novel. I haven't given up on it, I just haven't been able to get my thoughts together to actually work on it. I may work on it some later tonight, but even if I don't, I do plan to put in some definite time on it this weekend and see if I can't get the creative part of my brain in gear again.

I hope to be back posting again before another week passes, but meanwhile, today is Veteran's Day, so be sure to thank any veterans you happen to encounter!

Struggling

2010-11-04T02:11:00.002-04:00

Well, day 3 of NaNoWriMo, and I'm struggling. I'm up to 3,923 words, but it's been hard going so far.

When I did this in 2004, I had a good idea of my storyline and once I got started I always seemed to know where the story would go next. Not that the writing was necessarily good, but I was able to write it. Maybe it's because that was a more general, women's fiction, type story and this time I'm trying a mystery, but it's not flowing right now. I realized in brainstorming before this month that a mystery definitely takes more planning and thought, but I didn't want to plan too much out and lose momentum when it actually came time to write. As a result, I'm now acutely aware that there are a lot of things I haven't thought out at all.

I didn't even write last night because I just couldn't figure out where to go next. Today, I decided that I just needed to write, so I've been writing whatever scene pops into my head. I have an idea of some of the events that need to happen, but I'm lacking in how to get from event to event. There's some logic in what I've written so far, but definitely a lot of gaps that will have to be filled at some point.

I'm hoping that by just getting the things I have thought about out, it will bring some clarity to the rest of the story & I'll figure out where I'm going. If nothing else, I may write 50,000 words of disjointed ideas that I can eventually cull something useful from to start again from scratch.

I'm frustrated, but I'm not giving up….I'm writing.

And So It Begins….

2010-11-01T21:31:00.004-04:00

It's finally November 1 here, and that means NaNoWriMo has officially begun!

I'm finding it a little slow going to start, but I just got started tonight and I've done 500+ words in just an hour or so. The average per day needed to get 50,000 done in 30 days is 1,667 words per day, so I won't get there today, but I'm confident that as I get a little further into my story I'll be able to make it up. UPDATE: Got a little more writing in than I had planned and got to 1,937 for the day, so at least I hit the minimum.

The Nano website has been lagged out since yesterday. Too many people trying to hit it at once I suppose, but hopefully it will even out a bit once the excitement of starting has passed.

I'm going to try to keep posting here at least every couple of days, and I will make an effort not to talk only about how well my novel is (or isn't) going, but if I don't appear for a couple of days, you know why. Also, my daughter and her boyfriend are coming for the weekend, so I need to get as much written between now and then as I can.

So the adventure begins, and hopefully a mystery will emerge from my efforts.

Waxing Rhapsodic

2010-10-30T18:40:00.008-04:00

There's a hidden treasure in the North Carolina mountains. You have to drive just about as far west as you can go, towards Murphy, but just before you get that far if you take a little jaunt south, you'll find Brasstown, NC.

Brasstown isn't really much of a town. There's a post office and a few other buildings. The small country store with a couple of gas pumps is called Clay's Corner and is the self proclaimed Opossum Capital of the World.

But turn onto Brasstown Road next to Clay's Corner and you enter a fascinating little piece of the world called the John C. Campbell Folk School. If you are a crafter, musician, dancer, or storyteller, you enter heaven. Even if you're not, you might be before you leave, because the Folk School was started in 1925 for the express purpose of keeping the traditional folk arts alive and well in a non-competitive, community oriented environment. Browse the Folk School catalog and you will find a wide variety of classes. Wood working, knitting, calligraphy, blacksmithing, quilting, writing, and the list goes on and on.

My husband, a wood worker, was told about the Folk School about two years ago, and immediately wanted to attend a class there. He was originally looking at a class in May of 2009, but as soon as I found out about it I wanted to go too, and I couldn't take the needed time off work in May. So we made a deal. If he would wait to go when I could go too, we'd pick the week we went based on when the class he wanted was offered, because I was positive I could find something I wanted to take. The class he wanted was offered again in November 2009, so we started planning.

I initially was hoping to take a knitting or spinning class, but since the class offerings vary each week there wasn't one being offered the same week as my husband's class. I considered taking a class in Italic calligraphy, since I do calligraphy, but am completely self-taught, however a writing class was being offered and I was still talking about writing a lot, but actually doing very little writing, so I signed up for the writing class in hopes of writing motivation. We couldn't wait to go, but it was only January.

We went to the Folk School in November 2009, completely psyched about the classes we had signed up to take, and we weren't disappointed at all. The classes were fabulous. What we were totally unprepared for was the rest of the experience.

The Folk School is a community. The students that come to the school range in age from 18 to 80's+, are from all over the country and the world, and during the week that you are there, they are your community, and you will never want to leave. You will live together, eat together, learn together, dance, laugh and sing together, and you will have the time of your life.

Forget fancy hotel rooms, the accommodations are mostly houses that have been donated to the school or bought over time and converted into rooms. Some have private baths in the room, some have baths shared between 2 or 3 rooms, and there is also some dormitory style housing with hall baths upstairs in the main building. They are nothing spectacular, but they are clean and decent, and if you don't stay on campus, you will miss a huge part of the experience.

The meals are at set times and served family style. When the bell rings, everyone lines up outside the dining hall and files in, grabs something to drink & finds a seat. In many ways it's like being at camp as a kid, except you don't have to sit with your bunkmates, and the food is actually GOOD. They encourage you to sit with different people each meal and, while by the end of the week you will have found a couple of people you tend to sit with regularly, it's really fun to sit with new people and hear where they're from and why they came and what they're learning. If you have special dietary needs or preferences, they are very good at accommodating those as well. They always have a vegetarian option and they will also prepare diabetic, gluten free, and I'm sure other options if you let them know before you come that you will need those. I'm a very picky eater & there was only one meal that I really did not like, but they had plenty of fresh fruit and a salad bar, so I didn't go hungry.

Classes are scheduled for 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon, but since the classes are so hands-on, most instructors will open the classrooms in the evening as well if you want to come in and work on your project. As a member of the writing class, I could work wherever I took my laptop (not required by the way, one of the students in my class was in her 80's and did everything in long hand), but my husband went back to the woodturning studio almost every night.

If you don't want to do class work in the evening you will certainly not be bored. They had contra dancing (similar to square dancing) one evening which was a blast. There are concerts, poetry readings, and demonstrations by instructors of some of the classes being taught that week, that you can attend. Or you can always find someone just hanging out in the living room of Keith House (the main building), which also happens to be the only place you can really get internet access. But you know what? We both took our laptops, and cell phones, and if it weren't for the fact that I was using my laptop for my writing class, I don't think I would have touched it all week. The cell phone reception is very spotty up there, but there are places you can get a signal if you need it.

If you're an early riser, which I am definitely NOT, they have something called Morning Song every morning, which is usually someone singing or telling stories. It's very mellow and laid back and actually a very nice start to the day. I even dragged myself out of bed most mornings to attend.

I could go on and on about our wonderful experience at the Folk School, and how we cannot wait to go back, although it will probably be a few years before we are able to return. I could find something to take every week for a year, and never lose interest, but unfortunately I haven't buckled down and written a best-selling novel yet, so I still have to work the day job. But I have probably written more than enough for anyone to expect in one entry, so while I may not be done talking about the John C. Campbell Folk School on this blog, I'll stop for now.

But go check out their website and start planning your next vacation! While you're there, you can visit Mouse Towne, but that's another post.

The Truck

2010-10-27T01:35:00.003-04:00

I got in my car this morning to go to work. When I turned the key in the ignition, instead of the nice low throaty growl of the V8, I got "click, click, click, click, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and all the lights flashing on the dashboard. I called my husband at work & described the sound to him & he thought it might be the starter, but of course he wouldn't be able to tell until he looked at it.

I live an hour away from where I work, so calling a coworker to come get me wasn't an option, and my husband works an hour away in the opposite direction, so there was no point in his coming home either. So that left the motorcycle and the truck as transportation for my daily commute.

The motorcycle really wasn't a viable solution because 1) it was raining, and 2) I haven't ridden enough recently to be comfortable riding it to work through all the traffic I encounter. So that left the truck.

When I say truck, I mean TRUCK. The Truck is a full-sized Chevy 3500 long-bed with dual rear axles. It's also getting a little crappy, but it sits parked most of the time and we mainly use it to haul stuff, so it's sufficient for its purposes. The battery tends to drain if you leave it sitting for a while, but my husband, handy man that he is, has installed a knife switch so it's easy to disconnect the battery.

I don't mind driving The Truck at all, even though I have to drive with a pillow behind my back because the back of the bench seat won't adjust straight up enough for me to see over the steering wheel, and even though the AC doesn't work and it was 80 today so I had to drive with the windows half open. Driving large vehicles doesn't bother me. A few years ago my daily driver was a Ford Expedition, and when we used to off-road a lot, I drove the Ford F350 dually quad-cab we had at the time towing a 32 foot gooseneck trailer, with 2 lifted Jeeps on it, through Washington, D.C. traffic. The key to driving large vehicles is learning to use your side view mirrors A LOT and remembering you're driving a large vehicle when making turns, changing lanes and stopping. No, I don't mind driving The Truck at all, but parking The Truck at my office today was a royal pain in my ass.

I have an assigned parking space in an underground parking deck. The Truck would fit into the deck, but it wouldn't fit into my parking space because it's too long, and it's a dually. There is some on street parking by permit, so when I got to work I went and got a permit to park on the street for the day. Except there was no where to park that would accommodate The Truck. There was half a block of empty street right in front of my building, but that's reserved for certain personages, of which I am definitely not one, even though none of them were actually there. There was another empty half a block on one side of another street, so I parked there, got all my stuff out, disconnected the battery, (because the last thing I needed was to come out at the end of the day and find The Truck wouldn't start) and was walking toward my office building when one of the parking guys came out to tell me I couldn't park on THAT side of that street. I threw my stuff back in The Truck, reconnected the battery, and began the search for somewhere to park The Truck. A few trips around the block yielded nothing, but finally, after 20 minutes or so the gods smiled and someone who either had a large vehicle, or was one of those people who feels the need to leave 5 feet between the cars front and back, must have left while I was circling, and I found a space. I should have known better than to leave at lunchtime, but I did, and repeated the circling process when I returned, and finally located enough room to once again park The Truck.

All in all, not a big deal and really just a minor inconvenience in my day, but I got home tonight and my husband told me my car just had a dead battery, and I felt a little stupid for not realizing that it was something I could have taken care of this morning.

Blue Ridge Fall

2010-10-24T01:44:00.003-04:00

Fall is my favorite time of year.

I love….

The cool mornings, that turn into warm, but not hot, sunny days, and then into cooler evenings. Especially the "football weather" evenings when it's cold enough to wear a turtleneck and a sweater, but not need a coat.

The smells of campfires and burning leaves.

The colors of the leaves changing as they desperately hang on to tree limbs before beginning their descent.

One of the most beautiful places to view the changes of nature in the fall is the Blue Ridge Parkway, so since I can't think of anything else to write about at the moment, I'll leave you with some pictures I took on the Parkway a couple of years ago.

NaNoWriMo

2010-10-21T22:48:00.002-04:00

I've decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year. I last participated in 2004, and I actually wrote a little over 50,000 words on a women's fiction type novel. I haven't really gone back and read what I wrote, so I don't know if it's any good or total crap.

Nano is good for just forcing you to write and get words on paper, without editing or worrying about whether it's really any good. My biggest problem in writing creatively is turning off my internal editor. I tend to try to edit as I write. This is probably due to the writing I do at work, which is often under a deadline, so editing as I go is necessary in many cases. But with creative writing, it's usually better for me to just get the ideas out and then go back and weed through and refine.

I'm going to try a mystery this year, so I've been doing some brainstorming and trying to come up with the basic plot, characters, etc. I thought I had come up with a good basic premise, but I was really struggling with making the story go past a certain point and beginning to worry that I would get 20,000 or so words in and it would hit a dead end. In trying to rethink some things and come up with new ideas yesterday, I started switching some characters around within the basic plot and hit on something I think will work better.

My previous killer is now the one that gets killed. Amazingly, this is making things mesh in my mind much better. Most of the motives and general storyline I had already come up with will still work, just with a different killer, and a lot more suspects. In my previous version there was too much of a disconnect between the person who got killed and the rest of the story. In fact, that person is no longer really even in the story.

The hardest part in planning for Nano right now, is that I want to start writing some of the scenes I've imagined in my head. To stay "true" to Nano, I'm not supposed to start writing until November 1. Some of the fun and probably a good bit of the momentum is in doing this with all the other people participating, so I'm being good for now and just making notes. I'm trying to really think through my characters and come up with a good basic outline for the plot, in hopes that once I start writing I won't hit a point where I don't know what to say next. And I'm entertaining myself by coming up with character names that I would never hang on any child of mine. How would you like to have been named Andromeda?

Going Public

2010-10-20T00:56:00.002-04:00

A recent article in Writer's Digest, titled "How to Lose Blog Traffic and Alienate Readers", tells me that I shouldn't just write about whatever comes to mind. Apparently, I should have a "focus area" for my blog, and shouldn't write about random things outside of that focus area. I don't think I have one of those.

On the other hand, I don't have any readers to alienate either. No one's expecting to read any certain type of post from me, because no one's reading my posts. That's my fault, since I haven't actually told anyone this blog exists, which brings me to the real issue.

It's one thing to put this out on the internet, and know that someone, somewhere MIGHT read it. It's a whole different, heart pounding type of anxiety, thing to think that someone I KNOW might read it. What if my writing sucks? What if I'm not interesting, funny, controversial, or insert favorite adjective here, enough?

But if I'm going to write, I'm going to have to let someone else read what I write eventually, so I think it's probably time to go public. I'm going to start small though, my husband (Hi Honey!) and some family members, and I might put it in my profile on some boards I frequent. We'll see from there.

As for that focus area I should have, for now the focus is ME, and whatever portion of my life I choose to talk about, or whatever thought lodges itself in my mind as a good topic for a post. I can tell you that I will not talk about work in anything other than a general sense, because I like my job and I need my job, and that also means that I will not discuss politics or any politically charged issue, but for now, anything else is still possible. That may change over time, as I figure out what I'm really doing here.

So, if you're reading this…be kind.

What I'm Reading

2010-10-18T17:17:00.002-04:00

For several years I kept a list of all the books I read. For some reason, I didn't start one this year. I want to keep one for 2011, so I decided to go ahead & start one now for the rest of 2010. The post below this one contains the beginning of the list, but I've linked it on the sidebar as well. I've added the few books I remember I've read already this month. You'll probably notice as time goes on, that I tend to find an author I like & then read everything they've written. So you will often see a string of books all by the same author. Lately I've been making my way through Laura Lippman, although I have to say I think I enjoyed her earlier novels more than I'm enjoying her more recent ones. None has been bad enough yet to not actually finish though.

I've really been trying to cut back on purchasing books, so I've been using the library more. I rarely re-read books and there are very few authors that I will buy any longer in hardback. Stephen King and Margaret Maron are the two that I still buy in hardback, because they are the two I really want to keep, and that I do re-read from time to time.

Most of what I read these days is mystery/suspense or women's fiction, but you will also see some fantasy novels and popular literary novels. I go through periods where I read non-fiction as well, mostly civil war and WWII history.

2010 Reading List

2010-10-18T16:59:00.026-04:00

A list of books I've read. Starting this a little late in the year, but want to get in the habit for the new year.

October (8+)
The Last Place by Laura Lippman
No Good Deeds by Laura Lippman
Another Thing to Fall by Laura Lippman
Home at Rose Cottage by Sherryl Woods
Every Secret Thing by Laura Lippman
Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner
Spider Bones by Kathy Reichs
To the Power of Three by Laura Lippman

November (7)
The Lacemakers of Glenmara by Heather Barbieri
A Slender Thread by Katharine Davis
Christmas Mourning by Margaret Maron
Summer Brides: The Borrowed Bride\A Bridge to Dreams\Sister of the Bride by Susan Wiggs, Sherryl Woods, Susan Mallery
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
Waking Up In Dixie by Haywood Smith
Cross Roads by Fern Michaels

December (15)
Return to Rose Cottage by Sherryl Woods
Signs in the Blood by Vicki Lane
Art's Blood by Vicki Lane
Patterns in the Sand by Sally Goldenbaum
Deja Vu by Fern Michaels
The Christmas Clock by Kat Martin
Holiday Magic by Fern Michaels, Cathy Lamb, Mary Carter and Terri DuLong
The Night Killer by Beverly Connor
Moon Spinners by Sally Goldenbaum
Dust to Dust by Beverly Connor
Old Wounds by Vicki Lane
In A Dark Season by Vicki Lane
The Confession by John Grisham
Exit the Rainmaker by Jonathan Coleman
A Holiday Yarn by Sally Goldenbaum

Yarn Obsession

2010-10-17T23:46:00.005-04:00

I learned to knit, at camp, somewhere around 4th grade. My grandmother taught me to crochet before she died when I was in 6th grade. I had no real interest in either craft at the time. My mother was the one that made sure I took knitting at camp, and learning to crochet was just something to spend time doing with my grandmother as she wasted away from cancer. Although I have done counted crossstitch most of my life, I promptly forgot how to knit & crochet.

A few years ago, I decided I wanted to learn again. I went to a big box craft store & bought I Taught Myself to Crochet and I Taught Myself Knitting. Amazingly enough, it all came back to me relatively quickly. Still, it was just a casual hobby. I made a couple of fun fur scarves. Then I decided to crochet my sister an afghan for her birthday a few years ago. However, I seriously underestimated how long it would take. I worked on it off & on for a few months, then I broke my hand (another story for another day) and couldn't work on it for several months. It was almost a year later before I picked it up again. She finally got that afghan in August 2008, about 2 1/2 years after I started it!

In July of 2008, things changed. I found Ravelry and I became obsessed! So many yarns, so many projects to do! My yarn stash has grown and continues to multiply. I've become addicted to knitting lace and learning new techniques. My list of projects I want to do keeps growing, so much so that I have a hard time deciding what to work on next. I've been having fun though, and the only thing it's really hurt is my pocketbook!

I Am A Writer

2010-10-15T15:49:00.002-04:00

I've always been a reader.

I've always wanted to be a writer.

I can't remember not being able to read. I don't recall learning the alphabet, or struggling to sound out words, it just seems like the knowledge was always there. I was the kid that had to be forced to go outside because my nose was in a book, the kid that read under the covers when I should have been asleep. I still am I guess. Even now, a good book will keep me from doing things I should be doing, and keep me up until the wee hours of the morning. I almost always have a book with me, and have been known to read while waiting in line, or even while waiting on a stoplight to change.

I've always dabbled in writing. The first thing I really remember writing creatively was a play. It was something about a troll that lived behind a hill, and I think I even got some friends together to make a cardboard "hill" and produced my masterpiece in my parents' garage. I've kept a journal sporadically over the years, but never with any consistency, and I was a great letter writer in junior high and high school. Somewhere in the room over my parents' garage there are still several shoe boxes filled with letters from friends I made at camps and almost every note I passed in school. But I've never considered myself a writer. It was just something I wanted to do….someday.

Over the past few years, I've thought about writing more, but I still haven't done much about it. Several years ago I found NaNoWriMo, and I got all excited and motivated, and even cranked out a 50,000+ word novel in the month of November. I've never even gone back and re-read it. Last fall, my husband and I went to the John C. Campbell Folk School. (Great place, and probably something I should write about another time.) I took a writing class and love it, but since then haven't done anything other than think more about writing. I seem to always be waiting for the "muse" to strike. I read, I think of ways I might change the story I'm reading, I even read about writing, and I have scraps of paper all over the place with character and story ideas, but I don't actually write.

I've come to a stunningly original realization lately. A writer is someone who writes.

I may never be paid for writing, but I can be a writer. So this is my beginning.

I am a writer.